Reflection

The other day in my Small Group Communication class, one of my group members asked if everything was alright with me. Russell asked if I was contemplating my existence. My teacher walked by at that moment and said it was a good idea to contemplate such a question. I gave Russell a quizzical look and voiced, "Why would I contemplate that?" My teacher then went into a discussion of how I would never have contemplated my existence because I've grown up LDS and have been told my whole life what the meaning of my existence was. Needless to say, a religious discussion ensued. My teacher is not anti-LDS but he did voice that he didn't like the fact that books of scripture come from the mouth of men, etc etc. I was looking at him as he talked, wanting to be a missionary and trying to discern from the Holy Ghost what I should say. Nothing came to mind besides asking him how much he knew about the LDS church and if he'd ever listened to the missionaries. Upon further listening, I decided against it because a thought that my dad had often pointed out came to mind; unless people are truly interested in learning about our church, they will not be humble enough to receive the  message. My teacher was definitely not open to hearing the word. The point of this story is this, through this experience, I was led to test my testimony. Have I been indoctrinated my whole life? Have I been brainwashed and told what to believe, what to feel? Should I live somewhere outside of Utah in order to gain a more clear perspective?
I prayed that evening and subsequent evenings after that (as I've been taught to do) and my testimony was reaffirmed through thoughts that came to mind. Specifically, President Monson's image came to mind and a talk given by Elder Holland entered as well. His talk on the divinity and truth of the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith by extension came to mind. The power and emotion he spoke with caused me to completely stop taking notes that General Conference and just stare in awe as he delivered his heart-felt talk. I remember the power he spoke with entering my heart and striking me with force. These men volunteer their time and talents to progress this work. Beyond this, I cannot forsake the multiple experiences I have had on my own that has brought me closer to my Savior. Brainwashed. I guess I'll never know. Indoctrinated? If I have, it's been to my benefit. In short, my faith was not shaken by the words my teacher spoke. No sir, I do not question my existence merely because I have been told my whole life why I am here, I do not question it because I have seen the hand of the Lord in my life multiple times and I know He has my life in His hands.